Emotional Sabotage

How to Stop Emotional and Behavioral Sabotage with these 10 Mindset Habits

By | Behavior Change, Flexibly, Health, Mindset, Transformation Center, Uncategorized

Thinking of making a TRANSFORMATION for LIFE?  You know you want to change and you know it’s going to take real commitment on your part to do it.  Are you in the right MINDSET to get you to your goals and keep you there for life?  Here are our Fit Moms For Life TOP 10 MINDSET HABITS to inspire and keep you on the road to success even when life gets difficult.  It is often the behavioral and emotional sabotaging we do to ourselves that takes us off course.

Habit #1 – I fully forgive myself and others.

In order to be successful at major lifestyle changes, you must forgive yourself & others in order to move forward, focused on your best possible future.  Forgiveness is powerful; it will feel like removing a heavy weight from your heart.  Without all that pain, shame or fear you have been holding onto, you will be so much lighter, ready to take action, ready to make real lifestyle changes and open up that space for optimism and determination to keep moving forward toward your best life.

Habit into Action

“Adopt a mantra that you say to yourself the moment that a guilty memory or feeling arises. The following phrases are particularly effective: “I’m not that person anymore;” or “My attention belongs in the present;” or “I am not here to suffer anymore.” Choose the appropriate phrase and repeat it, without fail, every time you feel guilty. In this way, you are not only telling yourself the truth, for you aren’t the person anymore who committed a past misdeed, but you are also giving your brain a new, more positive input. This will help to wean it off the old wiring that keeps messaging guilt long after guilt is deserved.”  – A suggestion from Deepak Chopra, The Huffington Post

Habit #2 – Exercise is a gift, not a punishment.

If you are serious about a physical transformation, you must change your mind about exercise.  Exercise is a gift you must give yourself, in some way, every day.  Moving your body can no longer be a punishment for poor eating choices.  It is a true gift to your heart, mind, muscles and more that will keep “giving” the rest of your long life.  Will it still be hard, physically? Yes, it should be if you are doing it right.  Will it be so much easier when you have the right attitude about it?  Yes, definitely.  You will push yourself, lovingly, into workouts you never knew you could do.

Habit into Action

Make exercise an enjoyable experience.  Workout with friends.  Don’t know anyone in class? Introduce yourself and strike up a conversation with a friendly face.  Do the exercises that challenge you, but bring you energy, not drain you of it.  Buy new shoes and a workout outfit.  Set your alarm with some soothing or inspiring music to get up early and get your workout in right away, before you can make any excuses to not do it.

Habit #3 – Food is meant to serve my body.

Your nutrition will affect every aspect of your life and will improve your chances at any type of transformation.  To be successful for life, you must change your mind about food.  When you decide to view food as an energy source to serve your body, your choices will reflect your physical needs; slow-burning carbs for extended energy, muscle-building proteins for increased strength, healthy fats to keep you satisfied, vitamin and mineral rich foods to support a strong immune system and healthy body functions.  You will no longer choose artificial and convenient foods.  You will no longer reach for food to sooth a feeling other than hunger.

Habit in Action

When you eat, ask yourself the following questions.  “How will this food serve my body?”,  “How will it give me energy?”,  “Will it make me stronger?”,  “Will it make my body function improve?”,  and “Am I actually hungry or am I bored or trying to avoid some feelings?”.  If you aren’t sure – Google it.  There is so much nutritional information at our finger tips, it is much easier to make a better choice.

Habit #4 – I will no longer compare myself to others.

Any transformation will come with doubts.  Maybe you’ve lived a certain way for more than 30 years.  The best way to quiet those doubts is to stay focused on moving forward.  You must keep your eyes on your own paper, stay in your lane and decide how YOU will measure YOUR success.  You can no longer use others as a ruler to judge by.  Everyone is doing their best, all the time, including you.  Your best can only be appreciated when you judge it against your best, yesterday.  Our bodies, our lives, our relationships are all different and can’t be compared or judged as successful or not, since we don’t know all the facts about everyone else’s situations.  You do know the facts of your own and you can take full responsibility for the actions and the feelings you have about their outcomes.

Habit in Action

If you wear a wrist watch or bracelet, if you don’t, put a rubber band on your wrist or ask for a Fit Moms For Life bracelet, and any time you find yourself comparing, feeling inferior, feeling superior or judgmental of yourself or others, switch the band to the other wrist.  You might be surprised how often you switch.

Habit #5 Habit – Stop compiling problems

Successful people have problems too.  They just have a great skill of tackling problems or obstacles one at a time.  It is easy to get overwhelmed and not address easily solved problems, because we’ve added them up with all the rest into something that seems insurmountable.  Successful people look at problems separately, objectively, and they consider them challenges, not problems.  Each hurdle can then be added to your “proud” list once you have solved it.

Habit into Action

Ask a trusted friend or partner to listen to a single obstacle or problem that has been on your mind.  Don’t have someone to talk to?  Ask a friend in your workout group or your trainer.  You don’t have to ask for their opinion on what you should do, but you will find that as you are explaining the problem out loud, alone (meaning without all the other problems you have swimming around in your head) and without emotions, you will have made that problem seem to be less of a problem, more of a challenge and certainly manageable all on your own.   It will be a lightbulb moment – try it.

Habit #6– Speak and think only in truths.

On the transformation journey you must decide you will no longer generalize and you will speak and think only in truths.  How often to you hear yourself say, “I always fail” or “I never get it right”?  Are those statements REALLY true?  No, you don’t always fail, you have successful moments all the time, every day.  You can no longer generalize about yourself or others.  If you are only speaking in truth, it might sound more like … “I didn’t lose all the weight I wanted to, but I did lose inches off my waist and made several new friends.”

Habit into Action

Be mindful and totally aware of generalizations when you speak and think today.  Focus on it all day.  Any time you think or speak one – quickly write it down in your phone or on a notepad.  At the end of the day, take those generalizations to a friend or family member and ask them if they are true about you or your situation?  If you don’t have anyone to chat with, ask yourself and be totally honest, are those generalizations fully TRUTHS?  I bet not.  It will really improve your attitude and enthusiasm.

Habit #7  –  Busy is not better.

Successful people have learned that busy is NOT better.  Our culture tells us to judge our lives by the quantity of things we can accomplish in one day.  To what end?  We are a sick, stressed out, malnourished, overweight population that continues to get sicker.  Reject that thinking and judge your life by the quality of your time.  Create space around your activities to make memories and relish in the small pleasures.

Habit into Action

Sit down and write down your three most time-demanding activities and decide what needs to go or can be decreased.  Do you need to cut down on your hours at the office or in the car carting kids around?  Would the kids be okay if they only played one sport and one instrument?  Could you reduce your social commitments for FREE time, just for you and your family to enjoy the fun of daily life?  Boundaries can and need to be set in a positive way to protect this precious time.  Your life needs to be manageable and you need to create space for self-care now and after this challenge is done.

Habit #8 – Expect more of yourself and others.

Visualize yourself transformed.  You know what you want and in order to get there, you must raise the bar for yourself and others.  When you make commitments to yourself and others, you make it, even if it’s not “comfortable”.   Kick “comfortable” to the door and continue to challenge yourself in all kinds of ways.  Be brave.  Take responsibility for how you treat yourself, others, and how others treat you.  Set an achievable short-term goal today.  As you do, you will inspire others and you will begin to expect more from them too.  Make this a monthly habit.

Habit into Action

Work some accountability into your transformation.  If you want to get more serious about nutrition, try food journaling or pre-packaging your week of meals/snacks.  Sign up for an achievable exercise challenge or be vulnerable to enough to say you’re sorry or ask for an apology from someone concerning an incident you might be feeling bad about.  Sign up for a seminar or class that will help you learn more about your specific goals.

Habit #9– Reduce your screen time.

Find a way to reduce your screen time.  It’s NOT just our kids who are addicted.  Studies show that our sedentary lifestyle is as dangerous as smoking.

Habit into Action

Instead of watching a family flick on Friday night, head out to ice skate or sled.  You could shovel the neighbor’s drive or bundle up and take the dog for a walk with the whole family.  Get out a board game or take a drive to a neighboring downtown to check it out.  Do NOT take your phone, iPAD, computer or TV into your bedroom.  Facebook ISN’T THAT interesting and not worthy of risking your health.  Up late surfing for deals?  No more – shop during the day and GO TO BED!

Habit #10 – If I need help, I can ask for it.

This transformation is a big deal to you.  Those who love you most will understand and be there for you.  All you have to do is ask for help if you need it.  These are real lifestyle changes that are difficult to start and even more difficult to maintain.  Reach out to family or friends who have been successful in maintaining a healthy lifestyle.  Ask them to support you in your efforts.  If you don’t have anyone in your circle to ask, you will have to find a mentor, or coach, a stranger in class for help.  People are more willing to help you than you think.  Just have the courage to ask.

Habit in Action

Ask your partner to join you in your new pursuits.  Ask your partner and kids to support your choices, join into the fun of making new healthy habits and be okay with getting rid of the old.  Ask a friend to watch the kids while you take an hour to exercise/cook/or learn a new skill.   Ask a trainer how to modify an exercise you don’t feel comfortable doing yet.  Ask a teacher for extra help or a respected mentor to grab lunch and give you their best advice.