Behavior ChangeMindsetUncategorized

What Advice Would You Give?

By September 16, 2010 20 Comments

I recently received a facebook message asking for help.  I receive so many of them, mostly people asking how to make their butt smaller or how to lose fat on the stomach.  I usually have my assistants answer them or refer them to this website.  But this email really touched me.  I am going to keep it extremely anonymous and say this is a girl who I knew a little bit, many many years ago. We never really were close friends, but we knew each other from a distance.  She is physically very beautiful, size 2, flat stomach, great legs and arms (what most women are trying to achieve), but as you will see from the email not totally happy with things.

This brings out a great point that just because someone looks fit and healthy doesn’t mean they are.  In fact some of my smallest first time clients and bootcampers are the ones that are laying flat on their back dizzy or in the grass throwing up, while those that are bigger in size run right by them.

Anyways, I got permission to share this message with you and in hopes you can offer her advice.  I won’t give any more details about her than I already have to protect her identity, but I know it will mean a lot to her if you share your advice.  Thanks in advance.

Hey Dustin,

Long time no talk or see.. Hope you are doing well as it seems you are.

My question to you is… How do you do it? How do inspire so many people?

I read your posts and wonder how someone can have such an effect on people. Where do you find ambition to do all of those things?

When it comes down to it, I need your help. Weird to read I’m sure but I need some positive in my life. I am a happy healthy person for the most part but I can’t find motivation to work out, eat healthy or have goals that I should achieve daily, weekly, monthly, yearly!!

Where does a person start? Most people would consider me very small, don’t have to work out to stay that way but the problem is I’m more out of shape then a 250 lb person. I smoke and have asthma, don’t ever work out and to top it off I have anxiety like you wouldn’t believe. I’m sure all of this sounds weird and you can take it or leave it but all Im asking for is a few tips maybe. You seem to know what the heck you are doing with your life. Congrats on all of your success.

Again I hope life it treating you well and that your goals are bringing you to bigger and better places in life.

God bless,


Here was my response:

I want to first commend you for opening up and sharing your feelings, feelings you probably haven’t told anybody or very few.  I think there are a lot of people in your similar place.

First off, I don’t have everything together and I still struggle like everyone else.  I have been blessed to have discovered my passion (to empower women, and men, to be the best they can be and I use exercise and eating healthy as one of the tools to do so).  I have then gone out and studied and learned and hired coaches to help me be able to most effectively deliver the message and knowledge.

But it first comes down to knowing what your purpose is in life.   Without getting super deep, I recommend reading the book Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren.  I have read this book a couple times and it changed my career path.  I was going to school at the time for meteorology and read the book and knew I had to switch.  It has sold over 30 million copies, so it is a pretty popular book.  That should help you find your passion and mission in life, which will help you improve your ambition.  Sorry if you got more than you bargained for. 🙂

So how do I do it?  How do I find the ambition?  I believe it is my mission; I get huge satisfaction in hearing the success stories and know I am making a difference, a true difference in people’s lives.  I do work very long hours, which I have to be careful to stay balanced.  But, I have a short term (5 year goal), to reach 1 million moms.  That stretches me, scares me, but also excites me.

I really don’t know you very well and don’t know who you hang out with, but I am guessing they also live out what you are struggling with, unhealthy behaviors, lack of ambition and goal setting, lack of drive, lack of a go getter attitude.  Your parent’s probably told you, you are the sum of the 5 friends you hang around the most.  This is very true.  If you aren’t with friends, family, or boyfriend/girlfriend who don’t exude what you are wanting out of life, you NEED to either lose them, or decrease the time spent with them.  They will be like an anchor, and every time you try to pull away and make some progress, they will be there to weigh you down and pull you back.

You next need to believe in yourself and that you are worth it.  Why go out of your way to do something good, if you don’t think you are worth it?  I think I have a couple good posts on my site about that topic.

My friend and fellow Fit Fun Bootcamp trainer Joe has a blog on positivity.  Here was his latest post, read it over many times and try to let it soak in.

Next, you have to find some positive people to put in your life, ones that will hold you to a higher standard, and challenge you, and in turn, you want to grow as a person.  These people aren’t easy to find, but when you are actively looking I believe they will come your way.  Here are some places I have found to be the most helpful: Churches, gyms/health clubs, sports teams, places of volunteerism, or through introductions from others.

So as you find your purpose in life, which will create your ambition, you will then start to distance yourself from the negative influences you have around you, then decide you are worth it, and begin to search out more positive people.

Easier said than done I know…

The next step is to ask yourself 2 questions:

What do I want to accomplish?

Why do I want to accomplish it?

For example:

I want to stop smoking, because I don’t want to die early of lung cancer, I don’t want to waste $1000’s of dollars, I don’t want to poison my friends or my kids, I don’t want bad breath, I don’t want yellow teeth, I don’t want to have to worry about flying or other extended periods of time when I can’t smoke, I don’t want to feel winded after climbing a couple flights of stairs.  (After just rereading this to myself I realized I made a big mistake, I am telling this person to focus on what she doesn’t want.  I believe what you focus on most, is what you will get.  So instead I should say… I want to live a healthy life and not dies of lung cancer, I want to save $1000’s of dollars, I want to be a healthy influence on those around me, I want clean fresh breath, I want crisp white teeth, I want to be able to sprint up 5 flights or stairs and feel awesome)

FYI:  I think that is a pretty good list to convince anyone to stop smoking J

So once you do this for any area of your life you are looking to improve, you begin to set specific goals in those areas.  I have lots of great goal articles on my site, or read other books on the subject.

After you have made a long list of goals, at least 15.  Pick a couple that you can start with and focus on.

Here might be 3 of them:

-Stop smoking within 2 weeks.

-Begin exercising 30 min 4 times per week.

-Eliminate 3 unhealthy eating behaviors (obviously they would be specific to you.)

Once you start gaining momentum, it becomes easier, you begin to feel empowered as you make changes in your life, and it pushes you towards reaching more goals.  As this happens, those around you will begin to take notice, then it is your turn to teach and help them grow.  Through teaching, you will grow more, and you will then have the satisfaction of helping others, which I believe is one of the things we are here on planet earth to do.

There is a lot more I could say, but I will end it at that for now.  Hope that helped.

With Passion,


Question of the day:  What would you say to help this person?  Can you relate to this story?  Lets create some dialogue!